Wednesday, April 11, 2012

How To Woo A Vampire

And now for something a little different - and totally fabulous - please check out this post by writer/blogger/friend/all-around cool gal Laird Sapir. She's also a closet DJ, and she put together this post with a set list for music with which to attract the undead...
Thanks Laird!
Peace, 
Liv

These days, everyone seems to want a little Vampire love. Trouble is, unless you are a part-fairy psychic waitress or a Petrova Doppelganger, it can be hard to know just how to land your own piece of blood-sucking arm candy.

Well, I'm here to help, with a step-by-step guide to snagging a vamp - and you won't even have to make a trip to Fangtasia.

Step 1: Go on a cleansing diet. Whether you want to attract the attention of a modern preternatural hottie like Damon Salvatore or reel in an old-school hunk of cold-blooded love like Lestat or Bill Compton, best to steer clear of vervain, garlic, and laudanum.

Step 2: Treat yourself to a makeover. Since most Vamps were born before your great grandmother learned how to walk, attract them by adding some old-school style to your wardrobe. Looking for a second glance from Eric Northman? Try some Viking braids or a horned helmet. Be creative, but remember: avoid accessorizing with silver or wood.

Step 3: This is critical. Just as music is capable of taming the savage beast, it is also the perfect tool for luring a Vampire out of his lair. Find your town's equivalent of Merlotte's or Mystic Fall's town square, and break out your boombox. Yes, I said it, Boombox. If you don't have one, start prowling ebay. Vampires are not going to be wooed by your ipod. Trust me.

Step 4: Blast some Vampire-lovin' tunes. I've compiled a list of suggested songs to get you started.

Good Luck and Happy Hunting!

(Oh, and while you're listening to the tunes Laird chose, open a new screen and check out her blog, lairdsapir.com. It's a very cool place!)
Liv  ;)


Bite by laird on Grooveshark

16 comments:

Debbie Christiana said...

I was hoping to be able to keep listening to I want to be your ghoulfriend while posting, but it didn't let me.

Awesome and fun post. I'll take your advice because, yes, I do want a second glance from Eric Northman.

Great songs, too.

Debbie

Laird Sapir said...

Thanks Debbie! Eric Northman would also be my vampire-of-choice! Sizzle! lol.

Kim Griffin said...

Great post, Laird!

Off to buy a viking helmet...

Laird Sapir said...

Thanks Kim!

Sara Walpert Foster said...

It just so happens I have an amazing Boombox, my first post college purchase, still in working condition. While I am not a HUGE vampire fan, I could stand for a little neck-biting some time soon. Love your song choices

p.s. Isn't a vamp a sexual, seductive woman? I'd rather a vampire, please.

Elaine Smothers said...

This would explain my lack of vampire sightings: eats too much garlic, doesn't dress the part, and traded my boom-box for an iPod.

Tami Clayton said...

Great playlist, Laird! Yes, a second glance from Eric Northman would make my day so I'll take your advice. All good points. Good thing I have an in with Prickly Pete since he has a boom box I can borrow. ;)

Liv said...

You guys are cracking me up. Thanks again for the post, Laird, and for all the comments!
;)

Mike Schulenberg said...

Great post, Laird! You should consider doing a companion piece that reveals tips for attracting leprechauns, perhaps using rainbows, bling, and breakfast cereal :)

Laird Sapir said...

Mike, that's an awesome idea! I'd probably need a playlist filled with songs like "Somewhere under the rainbow"... :)

Mike Schulenberg said...

In "Leprechaun in the Hood," the 5th installment of the "Leprechaun" movie franchise, the Leprechaun performs a rap song during the end credit with his fly girls. It would probably make a great addition to your playlist, along with the breakfast cereal jingle. "Frosted Lucky Charms...they're magically delicious!"

Liv said...

So was that a typo, Mike, or was the Leprechaun movie franchise really only worth one credit? Cuz I don't remember it...
And I hear the Lucky Charms jingle every time I pick the yellow stars, red hearts, blue moons and green clovers out of my cereal bowl.
;)

Ellen Gregory said...

hmm, I might need to go the doppelganger route...

Laird Sapir said...

Mike, I am adding it to the playlist. Ellen...if you figure out how to become a Doppelganger, please let me know? :)

Marianne said...

I did everything you suggested, but I've been standing in my town center for 13 hours now and nothing has happened and my arms really ache. How long does it usually take?

Laird Sapir said...

Marianne, just be patient. And don't give in to the temptation to take a bathroom break or an hour off for lunch - try playing a different tune.
Hang tight! It will work!
:)