The Octopus Knows - Round Robin #2

So this is a rare Thursday post. Actually, it's part of a series of posts, a round-robin of storytelling that would make the most hard-core pantser proud. I'm one of a group of bloggers telling the story of, well, I'm not entirely sure what. You can check out the first installment on Laird Sapir's blog. She'll also be collating the installments as they come in, so eventually it will be possible to read the whole thing in one play. But where's the fun in that? Follow along as we go....wherever it is we're going.

;)

Liv

The Octopus Knows #2

He reached into the closet and fingered the heavy zippered garment bag. The white suit. The one with the sparkly lapels. Perfect.

Though upon his arrival, he saw that the outfit wasn't perfect at all. Marguerite was dressed to fade away, wrapped in a worn trench coat with her brilliant ginger hair obscured by a heavy  taupe scarf. She sat shrunken in the corner booth, a half-empty glass of water the only indication the waitstaff at La Boulangerie had paid any attention to her.

And the damned white leather pants were so tight Simon could barely breath. A year spent living off of Pringles and cognac was having its revenge.

 "Well isn't that just a cat pageant." Her eyes shredded his suit, though her voice barely made it past the edge of the table.

"Darling Marguerite, it's so good to see.."

She cut him off before he could finish. "Sit your prissy butt down. I feel like hell and your jacket looks like it was attacked by fireflies."

He slumped into the other side of the booth, discretely flipping open the top button of his pants. As soon as he could, he took a deep breath. "Alright then, we'll play it your way."

A waiter appeared, the high ruffled collar of his shirt holding his chin like a cup. His eyes were narrow and black and his beard was trimmed in a sharply pointed goatee.

"Hi. I'm Braden, and I'll be your server today."  The waiter set a wine glass in front of Simon.

"I'd like a Coke."

Marguerite groaned. "I thought you'd given that up."

"Mr. Jones wants the octopus back." The waiter picked up the wineglass and turned to go. Simon stared at Marguerite, unsure he had heard the words correctly despite the man's pristine diction. She had covered her mouth with one hand, as if to hold in words she shouldn't say. Simon didn't breath until the waiter was out of sight.

"So that's what this is about." Simon popped open the second button. He wasn't sure he'd be able to get them done up again before standing. Maybe Marguerite would lend him her coat. Losing his pants in a restaurant was sure to draw unwanted attention.

 

I hope this has intrigued you. Look up Laird's post, and then in a few days installment #3 will be available on the blog of the wonderful Jennifer Oliver. Thanks for playing along!

A Foxie With Moxie Campaign Stop

Politics is big around my house, but usually I'm on the sidelines nodding and smiling. Not this time, baby. I'm hosting a couple of amazing people who happen to have some common sense ideas for how to turn this country around. Please join me in welcoming Piper Bayard and Kristen Lamb for a stop on their Foxie With Moxie campaign tour.  Isn't it time we had a couple of women with sense in the White House?
Peace,
Liv

Because of my predilection for the paranormal, they addressed questions with a supernatural bent....

LR: Given the recent increase in preternatural activity, will you be adding a Paranormal Division to the Department of Homeland Security?

 

PB/KL: The whole damn department is a paranormal division. It’s a Frankenstein grown on this country whose only purpose is to feed itself and attempt to justify its existence by grabbing more power at every opportunity. It’s not enough that TSA (part of DHS) took over airport security, made a sweetheart deal with DHS Director Chertoff for the strip-search scanners that can’t tell balls from bombs, and insists on groping people for underwear bombs which would be barely big enough to set their cuffs and collars on fire, now they have TSA agents stopping people randomly on our nation’s highways. Enough is enough.

 

We would absolutely not expand the Department of Homeland Security. We would eliminate it as a redundant bureaucracy because we already have an FBI, which has provisions for reporting any foreign intelligence they happen upon to the CIA, which, in turn, has provisions for reporting domestic intelligence they happen upon to the FBI. Enough worthless bureaucracy, already. 

 

LR: Do you think Slayers should be given extra credit in school or at least be exempt from PE classes?

 

PB/KL: We actually feel that Slayers would be great candidates for home schooling because most of their work is done at night so they have inconvenient hours for attending school. Think of that heavy load poor Buffy carried. Their slaying activities would be their PE class. They could earn credit by either slaying 500 vampires or closing one Hellmouth. We would emphasize, however, that Ivy League schools only accept the closing of a Hellmouth for their admissions qualifications.

 

LR: With all his years of experience and opportunities for observation, will the Ghost in Lincoln's bedroom be made part of the cabinet?

 

PB/KL: Lincoln was one bright and gutsy guy. He made many unpopular decisions for the good of the nation. We need that kind of commitment to our country so he would absolutely be part of the cabinet.

 

We would make him the Director of Homeland Security because when we’re through with that department, it will be equally dead. He can guard it in the afterlife and make sure it does not return in a stronger, mutated form.

 

LR: Would you support an Equal Rights Amendment for post-life minority groups? How about for the dual-natured?

 

PB/KL: No. When you consider the droves of zombies that have taken over every government agency and Congress, the post-lifers are not a minority at all. And as for the dual natured, we see them as being like those people who hold dual citizenship. At the age of 18, they need to choose, unless, of course, they live in Chicago, at which time they may register to vote as two separate people.

 

LR: What about Area 51? Do you have plans for opening it for tours or perhaps creating a national shrine on that location?

 

PB/KL: We’re going to make it a big indie book store and put Bob Mayer in charge. They know him there already, and he can fill it with his own books, so it should work well for all parties concerned.

 

LR: Will there be increased funding for the application of scientific principles to paranormal fields of research?

 

PB/KL: No. We’ll turn it into a reality show. We’ll call it Scientific American. Paranormal researchers can compete to show the public their various projects, and the winners will get funding for their research. But we can’t promise that they will be taken seriously.

   

LR: Should cryptozoology and spiritualism be taught in schools alongside evolution and creationism?

 

PB/KL: We prefer that kids learn to read first before we ask them to actually think about anything. Besides, any beliefs that are not hard science based on measurable facts should not be taught in schools. They should be debated on street corners by homeless people, just like they always have been.

 

LR: What are your plans for dealing with the Zombie Apocalypse?

 

PB/KL: We will issue nude pictures of Rush Limbaugh and Janet Napolitano to all of the living. Don’t worry. We will have the safe side clearly labeled, “Point other side toward enemy.” Upon flashing these pictures, zombies will rip out their own eyes and start eating themselves or fall back in their graves to get away. If any of the living still want to stick around after seeing these pictures, themselves, they should stock up on ammo and Twinkies.

 

Our sincere thanks to Liv for hosting us here at her blog today. It’s been an honor.

 

If you would like to host a Bayard/Lamb 2012 Campaign Blog Tour Stop, please email Piper at piperbayard@yahoo.com.

 

Bayard/Lamb 2012 – Because We’re Not the Other Guys