Peace,
Liv
Because of my predilection for the paranormal, they addressed questions with a supernatural bent....
LR: Given
the recent increase in preternatural activity, will you be adding a Paranormal
Division to the Department of Homeland Security?
PB/KL: The whole
damn department is a paranormal division. It’s a Frankenstein grown on this
country whose only purpose is to feed itself and attempt to justify its
existence by grabbing more power at every opportunity. It’s not enough that TSA
(part of DHS) took over airport security, made a sweetheart deal with DHS
Director Chertoff for the strip-search scanners that can’t tell balls from
bombs, and insists on groping people for underwear bombs which would be barely
big enough to set their cuffs and collars on fire, now they have TSA agents
stopping people randomly on our nation’s highways. Enough is enough.
We would
absolutely not expand the Department of Homeland Security. We would eliminate
it as a redundant bureaucracy because we already have an FBI, which has
provisions for reporting any foreign intelligence they happen upon to the CIA,
which, in turn, has provisions for reporting domestic intelligence they happen
upon to the FBI. Enough worthless bureaucracy, already.
LR: Do
you think Slayers should be given extra credit in school or at least be exempt
from PE classes?
PB/KL: We
actually feel that Slayers would be great candidates for home schooling because
most of their work is done at night so they have inconvenient hours for
attending school. Think of that heavy load poor Buffy carried. Their slaying activities would be their PE class. They could earn
credit by either slaying 500 vampires or closing one Hellmouth. We would
emphasize, however, that Ivy League schools only accept the closing of a
Hellmouth for their admissions qualifications.
LR: With all
his years of experience and opportunities for observation, will the Ghost in
Lincoln's bedroom be made part of the cabinet?
PB/KL: Lincoln
was one bright and gutsy guy. He made many unpopular decisions for the good of
the nation. We need that kind of commitment to our country so he would
absolutely be part of the cabinet.
We would
make him the Director of Homeland Security because when we’re through with that
department, it will be equally dead. He can guard it in the afterlife and make
sure it does not return in a stronger, mutated form.
LR: Would
you support an Equal Rights Amendment for post-life minority groups? How about
for the dual-natured?
PB/KL: No. When
you consider the droves of zombies that have taken over every government agency
and Congress, the post-lifers are not a minority at all. And as for the dual
natured, we see them as being like those people who hold dual citizenship. At
the age of 18, they need to choose, unless, of course, they live in Chicago, at
which time they may register to vote as two separate people.
PB/KL: We’re
going to make it a big indie book store and put Bob Mayer in charge. They know him
there already, and he can fill it with his own books, so it should work well for all parties concerned.
LR: Will
there be increased funding for the application of scientific principles to
paranormal fields of research?
PB/KL: No. We’ll turn it into a reality show. We’ll call it Scientific American. Paranormal
researchers can compete to show the public their various projects, and the winners
will get funding for their research. But we can’t promise that they will be
taken seriously.
LR: Should
cryptozoology and spiritualism be taught in schools alongside evolution and
creationism?
PB/KL: We prefer
that kids learn to read first before we ask them to actually think about
anything. Besides, any beliefs that are not hard science based on measurable facts should not be taught in
schools. They should be debated on street corners by homeless people, just like they always have been.
LR: What
are your plans for dealing with the Zombie Apocalypse?
PB/KL: We
will issue nude pictures of Rush Limbaugh and Janet Napolitano to all of the
living. Don’t worry. We will have the safe side clearly labeled, “Point other
side toward enemy.” Upon flashing these pictures, zombies will rip out their
own eyes and start eating themselves or fall back in their graves to get away.
If any of the living still want to stick around after seeing these pictures,
themselves, they should stock up on ammo and Twinkies.
Our sincere thanks to Liv for
hosting us here at her blog today. It’s been an honor.
If you would like to host a
Bayard/Lamb 2012 Campaign Blog Tour Stop, please email Piper at piperbayard@yahoo.com.
Bayard/Lamb 2012 – Because We’re
Not the Other Guys
