The 'What Ifs' In My Closet

It takes a brave woman to show off what's in her closet, and I'm here to introduce to you one of the bravest. I got to know Tami Clayton through Kristen Lamb's Blogging To Build A Brand class, and she is as clever as they come. On her own blog she writes about traveling in Morocco and weequashing with Benedict. Intrigued? Check it out. I don't want to spoil the surprise.  ;)

And now, Tami has been gracious enough to open her soul closet for your inspection...

One day not too long ago, I decided it would be a perfect time to avoid a rough spot in my novel clean out my closet. I am the kind of person who thinks in terms of "what if?" scenarios and as a result, I have a whole bunch of "what if?" garments taking over hanging in my closet.

Staring into the depths, the first thing to catch my eye was the funky, colorful 1960's dress I haven't worn since that one Halloween party six years ago. Should I keep it? What if I accidentally enter a time travel portal and am sucked back into the 1960's? I'd want to be able to fit in right away, wouldn't I? Best keep that one. *puts dress back in closet*

How about this lovely hand-woven wool sweater from Peru? (Not that I've ever been to Peru and never mind that it was purchased in some hippie shop in Illinois 20 years ago.) Undecided, I decided to try it on and was nearly swallowed in a literal ocean of itchy wool. I could have easily fit four other people with me inside that sweater and we all would have been cozy, yet comfortable. I looked like a ball of yarn with legs, a neatly woven Sasquatch. Why am I hanging on to this and what possessed me, at all of 5'4", to buy such an ENORMOUS thing? Did I have a subconscious thing for Yetis?

Hmmm... What if I needed a quick, impromptu costume of Sasquatch? This could work in a pinch as ol' Big Foot. Just add a wig and a little facial hair. Or what if the sun suddenly vanished from the sky and the earth's temperatures plummeted? Wouldn't I have need for such a sweater? Think of the children I could save!

Reality, the buzz kill that it can be, suddenly came knocking on my door and said: That thing is as big as a freakin' house. Not to mention it takes up a huge portion of real estate in your closet. You do not need a Sasquatch costume. Furthermore, the memories of that time of your life when you actually wore this monstrosity are neatly stored in your psyche, not in the sweater. You don't need the sweater to store them for you.

Fine, Mr. Killjoy. But it'll be on your head when the lives of many poor, innocent children are snuffed out because the sun dies and they suddenly freeze to death. Just sayin'.

Next up was a shimmery gold (yes, GOLD) sleeveless dress, circa 1995, that I wore to a New Year's Eve party, complete with matching GOLD pumps. I couldn't even bring myself to try it on. What if it didn't fit? What if it did? To what occasion would I wear this? Is it tacky? Yes? No? It's kinda retro-glam with a nod to both the 40's AND the 80's. That's possible, right?

*knock at the door*

Reality walks in wheeling the 360-degree mirrored closet from TLC's What Not to Wear: You are a piece of work, let me tell ya. Hold that thing up to you and stand in the Chamber of Doom. C'mon. Don't be shy. You did consciously buy it after all. I'm only here to help. There you go. *quickly closes door and latches it* Now, tell me what you see.

Um, well...

Reality: *flings open the door* Exactly. There are no words to even describe it. Again, the memories from that night are right here. *taps bony finger on my head* Time to let the dress go.

But what if I get offered a part in the remake of Goldfinger? This would be perfect for that!

Reality stares at me and shakes his head.

Fine. Have it your way. But at this rate, I will have nothing to wear if Armageddon strikes or Hollywood calls or there's a sudden need for a Sasquatch costume. What will I do then?

Reality, putting a hand on each of my shoulders, looks me squarely in the eye: Then go buy what you need when you need it. It will be there, whatever it is you're looking for. Save the what if's for your writing, not your closet.

I don't know about you, but when someone says "trust me" - even if they are fictional, anthropomorphized entities that I talk to in my head - I become a bit skeptical. What if he is wrong?

But then again, what if he is right?

What if I stopped cleaning closets and got back to writing?

What if?

...but what I want to know is, where's the picture of the shimmery gold shoes? And for you reading along, what's hanging in YOUR closet?
;)
Thanks Tami, for a delightfully thought-provoking post.
Peace,
Liv